First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Is it because I queefed?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
