I'm gonna have a badass scar
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
