Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
