im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
