i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
