can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
