He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
