I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What a dumb baby whore.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
