We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if only i could text you this smell
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
