boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
