i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My dick has a subreddit
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
