question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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