i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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