Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Bring me that man meat
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
