bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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