So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
