Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
