if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
why do cheetos always look like penises
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
