I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
