you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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