Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
