does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
