we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
