I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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