your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
