I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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