i was born a porn star she said
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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