I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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