i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize