Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
