I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
