i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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