I only kidnapped one of them. chill
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
