ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
