she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
