Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
