Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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