i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
