Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize