her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize