if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm determined to sit on that face.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
