And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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