thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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