Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
