The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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