Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
