you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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