that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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