I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
