She is in my trunk
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
