did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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