I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
