I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
