You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
