Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
