They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
