Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
