your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
