I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
