When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
