nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
