I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
