I skipped work to stalk him.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
