is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
