I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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