Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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