Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
