be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Your cock deserves a montage
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
