She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
