High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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