i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So here I am, sexting at work.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
