like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
