she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
